where parents of kids with special needs connect

Bullying in school~~Need help!!

My son Jacob (age 11, diagnosed last Nov. PDD-NOS, with prior diagnosis of ADHD in first grade) has been bullied at his school for the last 3 years. His school district as well as school principal refuse to admit that there is a bullying issue in the district, they even went so far as to blame my son's lack of understanding social cues. I so wish I could homeschool my son, however I work full time and I have to stay working because my health benefits are what is getting him the care he so needs. I am at a loss what to do, the school is fighting me on the bullying issue, getting him on a proper IEP and getting accurate results of his true reading comprehension and retention. He is being slipped through the system!! I am so desperate to figure out what to do, Jacob only has the maturity and comprehension of a 5 year old, how do I protect him and how do I teach him to protect himself???

All the doctors have suggested some type of martial arts class to teach him discipline as well has improve his self-esteem, however I am struggling to find one that is more sensitive to special needs children. I cannot imagine Jacob being able to handle some instructor yelling at him or being like a drill instructor, he would melt down. (Jacob has extreme sensory sensitivity to loud noises as well especially yelling or raised voices.) Does anyone have any suggestions for me? If it helps I live in the San Jose bay area of California.

Thanks so much for any and all help.

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by watsonsherry on February 25, 2011 at 11:41am

The school district where my daughter attends school, has a series about bullying and the author of the book is Jodee Blanco. She was a victim of bullying and maybe her book "It's Not Just Joking Around" might be of some help. Sometimes having a lawyer as a co-advocate that specializes with dealing with school districts and the vast beauracracy can help at the IEP meeting. My daughter was bullied this year and it has been a blessing, because the principal sat down with the bullier and had a conversation where he admitted to the bullying. So we have a plan to address the problem and TO FOLLOW UP. I wish you the best and I will pray for you and your family.

Sherry

Permalink Reply by Barbara Giordano on February 25, 2011 at 12:38pm

The school district has a federal obligation to take bullying very seriously. See this article: http://www.cnsnews.com/news/article/some-bullying-violates-federal-... You can contact the Education Department of Civil Rights as your child's rights are being violated and the concerns are not given the level of attention required by the school district to ensure a safe environment for all students.

Go to your state department of education to see if you can file a complaint there to start. You can write a letter to the superintendant of the school expressing the concern you have for your child and mentioning federal law requirements. It's important to put all of your concerns in writing. If it isn't written down, it was never said.

I had an issue in my school where I reported it and it had to be investigated by the state Title IX officer. The district knew if they didn't act, I would file a formal complaint at the state level.

I hope this helps.

Barbara

Permalink Reply by Kathleen Marin on February 25, 2011 at 6:35pm

Thank you both, I have gone to the District in addition to cc'ing the superintendent on my letters and emails, however at the meeting they refuse to admit that they have any issues with bullies at all in their school district. The other issue we have is that Jacob doesn't tell us when things happen, as with most asd kids, he has issues verbalizing his feelings and communicating things to others. Therefore, we find out way after the fact with no details or dates and times when Jacob finally has a meltdown because he has held all the hurt in the whole time. The district stated that if we report every incident then maybe they could do something, even though I told them it isn't just one child or a group, it is basically just about all the kids since he is mainstreamed and they don't understand him. He has been called horrific names, threatened, pushed, shoved, isolated...the list can go on. They stated that bullying is specifically defined as racial, sexual orientation, religion, disability and physical assault~~well he was called gay (in not so nice of terms), he is called stupid, retarded, idiot (disability) and he has been physically assaulted. As soon as I can get more information from my son as to specifics, I am going to contact the county board of education, and then if need be go to the state level.

The only hope that I have right now is that my 18 year old daughter is currently a member of "The Amanda Network", which is a local group started by the mother of one of her friends that attempted suicide in high school because she was bullied so bad. My daughter was also bullied to the point of dropping out of high school and now shares her story and speaks publicly at schools and has done some interviews locally to try to get the districts to change. Unfortunately my son's district refuses to let them speak at the school. However, they are getting me in touch with some advocates.

My questions is more to you mothers or fathers as to what I can do or teach Jacob as to how to handle these bullies or at least ways to get him to tell us about them when it happens.

Permalink Reply by Kimberly Cantarutti Wood on June 17, 2011 at 1:02am

I would defintiely contact state advocates. I am curious if Jacob has an aid since he is mainstreamed with his diagnosis and mental comprehension? There are school districts here in TN with mainstreams all children, and each child with a disability has his/her own aid. Unfortunately, that is not in the district where we live. We are having issues with segregation and not giving inclusion and blatant lies to keep it that way from the principle to the county board of special ed. This is very upsetting, and detrimental to our son's future social skills. He thrives when in a setting of typical children.

Perhaps you could also speak with the local police department to get involved and speak with the school's children at a school assymbly about bullying. It would be a real shame if the school turned down the law officers aout such an important matter.